


My (Ex-Mercenary) Valentine

by xxdrarryrebellexx



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man/Deadpool - Joe Kelly (Comics)
Genre: Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Getting Together, M/M, Oblivious Peter, Wade Wilson Needs A Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-01
Updated: 2019-04-01
Packaged: 2019-12-30 19:02:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18321335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xxdrarryrebellexx/pseuds/xxdrarryrebellexx
Summary: Deadpool is going to woo the webs off of Spidey! If only he could get the arachno-hero to take him seriously.Valentine's day is over, but romancing Spidey is a lifelong endeavor





	My (Ex-Mercenary) Valentine

**Author's Note:**

> this is not proofread like at all lmfao, but im back with more romantic-ish spideypool
> 
> if this feels super short its cause this was a 5+1 one shot that kind of ran away from me so i separated it mostly by patrols
> 
> hope you lot enjoy it anyway
> 
> valentines is over, but romancing spidey is a lifelong endeavor! just ask wade.
> 
> \-- luci xoxo

**1\. chocolates**

Deadpool is giving him an entire heart shaped box of chocolates.

"A heart for _mi_ _corazon_ ," Deadpool says, presenting them to Spiderman on one knee. He can tell the masked man is smiling even though his mask is still snug against his face.

It's 2am on February 15th and Spiderman doesn't know where Deadpool even manages to pull the box from while they're sitting on a random rooftop near Manhattan to stare at the hearts still lighting up Time Square as they one by one putter out, confetti and rice and who knows what else still lining the streets from the slew of impromptu weddings and proposals that happened down there.

"I don't really like chocolates," Spidey says instead of asking where the box was hiding.

 

"Blasphemy!" screeches Deadpool dramatically.

 

"Honesty," Spidey quips back playfully. They're both smiling through under their masks. Spidey looks away. "Besides, if they were a gift from someone you shouldn't just give them away again."

 

"No, they're for you. Or I mean they were? I thought everyone liked chocolate. Especially for Valentine's day. It's romantic and stuff. Even white had agreed that you'd like them. Should have known better, really. Is it because they're from me?"

 

"There is so much to unpack there." Spiderman shakes his head as he tries to parse through what Deadpool had said. "Is this because I said I didn't have a Valentine? It's really not that serious, DP, I don't mind that they're from you, but you didn't have to do that. So thanks, but no thanks. I don't want your pity chocolates, bud."

 

"Pity choc- _no_! Baby boy, I don't- I wasn't- These aren't pity chocolates. I swear it on that sweet ass. You mean a lot to me. Keep me on the hero path you know and I just thought that maybe I could-"

 

"And besides," Spiderman continues, checking his watch, almost as if Deadpool had never said anything at all, "Valentine's Day is over. Keep them." He doesn't notice Wade's face fall, it'd be hard to in their masks. "Give them to someone special."

 

"You're the only special person in my life right now, Webs."

 

Spiderman snorts a laugh and shoves at Wade's shoulder as if its a joke.

 

"Yeah, 'Pool, I know."

 

***

 

**2\. flowers**

He's groggy when he wakes up, but his phone is blaring obnoxiously from under his pillow. He digs it out and answers without checking the ID.

"What?"

 

"Do you know where I can get chloroform...like without stealing it?"

 

"Wha- Deadpool?" says a still mostly asleep Peter. The voice on the other line stops it's idle chatter. He seems to check the phone before coming back through the speaker in a whisper.

 

"I am so sorry, baby boy. I was trying to call Weas."

 

"For what?"

 

"Chloroform."

 

"And why exactly do you need chloroform at 2am?" Peter says, but he doesn't know what else he expected from Deadpool, if he's being completely honest with himself.

 

"Doing a job. And unaliving is unavailable."

 

"Well that's good at least. I'm going back to sleep, DP. Be safe. Love you." His last two words are mumbled in his sleepiness and he's hanging up and asleep before he can hear Deadpool's gasp or even realize what happened.

Later when Peter is awake and fully dressed and heading out to patrol he sees Deadpool waving at him from a roof excitedly. He stops by with a smile even if the merc can't see it.

"Hey, Red, how's it going?"

 

"I uh- I got you these..." Deadpool says holding out a bouquet of flowers, because maybe Spidey just isn't very into chocolates and romance, but he said he loved him so it had to mean something. The sound of it had made Deadpool's heart flip and his stomach drop. He was blushing under the mask. Under the scars. Spiderman wouldn't be able to see it. "They're spider lilies cause...you're you. And well, I'm allergic to roses."

 

"Thanks, 'Pool. What're these for?" Spidey asks even as he takes them in his hand and raises his mask to the bridge of his nose in order to sniff them.

 

"I saw them and I thought of you." Deadpool is panicking because _who_ _the_ _fuck_ gave a grown man like Spidey the ability to be so fucking adorable. "You're cute, they're cute. You both smell nice. Wouldn't mind taking either of you home."

 

"I'm not sure what we'd do at your house," says Spiderman laughing."You broke the XBox the last time I was there. Remember?"

 

"Couldn't forget that ass on my couch if I tried, baby boy." Deadpool looks around. It's still pretty early. They could maybe catch a nice taco truck date. He could make this thing official. See if Spidey really meant what he said. He took a breath. "So, Webs-"

 

"Don't mean to take your flowers and run, bud, but can you hold the fort down for a bit while I take these back to my place? I won't be long. Promise. I'll find a nice vase and everything."

 Deadpool only nods as Spiderman swings off again and he wants to scream. How the fuck does Spiderman interpret him giving him flowers as a totally platonic bro thing. Sure, they were basically best friends, but they weren't _buds_. Deadpool wanted to be more than that. He knows Webs wasn't straight, he'd told him so himself! So why was he acting like such a fucking dudebro idiot. Deadpool is banging his head on one of the brick walls behind him when he hears a woman scream and rushes off to help while Spiderman was busy being a _bud_.

 

***

 

**3\. candies**

This has to work.

Deadpool has payed for a ton of unconventional candy hearts, spent extra money on overnight shipping, and he's even wrapped them in gift baggies. He covers one of the lower rooftops in Queens with heart formations made of baggies and waits.

"You have to stop leaving your snacks all over town, Red," Spiderman says when he finally shows up. He drops an armful of candy heart bags in front of Deadpool's feet.

 

"They're for you, Webs!" Deadpool says excitedly. "Did you look at them? I ordered them special! Gonna woo the webs off of you."

 

"A piece of candy that says plow me isn't exactly woo-ing, DP."

The older man nodded, but even with his mask firmly in place Spiderman could tell he was pouting. He stepped closer and wrapped a hand around Deadpool's bicep, squeezing it reassuringly.

"I get it, Spidey. You're more of a romance kind of guy, eh?"

 

"I- well, no. Not really? I mean, I'm not really good at relationships. I can't really-" He shook his head. "Listen, 'Pool, it could be romantic to some people,but you've been doing this for a couple days now. Whoever this person is, I would say just let it go okay?"

 

"It's not- Spidey, you know you're the only one for me, right?"

 

"Sure, Red, whatever. Just stop leaving your little baggies all over town, people are complaining to the police."

 

"No!" Deadpool says before realizing exactly what Spidey had said. "I mean, it's not whatever! I really like you, ya know? And I really want to woo you and stuff but it's like all of this is going straight over your head, you little smol bean of a spider."

Even through the mask Deadpool could tell that Spidey had rolled his eyes.

"Okay, 'Pool. Whatever you say, but why don't you start with cleaning up your mess, alright? I'm going on patrol."

There was a scream in the distance and Spiderman was swinging off to save lives. For the first time in almost three months Wade wanted to shove a .45 in his mouth and pull the trigger.

Either Webs was just that oblivious, or he just hated the idea of Wade and him together. Which was fair enough. Wade was under no illusions about what he looked like or who he was.

He plopped down on the roof and opened a bag of candy. What did Spidey even like? He needed a better plan.

 

***

 

**4\. tacos**

"I stopped by your favorite taco stand," Deadpool said, landing heavily onto the roof after parkouring from the one just across the alley. He forced himself to be louder than his training mostly because he's gotten enough lectures about him not setting off Webs' Spidey-Sense and scaring the object of your desire never quite goes in anyone's favor.

 

"Rita's is _your_ favorite taco stand," Spiderman said through a laugh, not turning around as he perched on the ledge of the building.

 

"So...I stopped by your _second_ favorite taco stand," Deadpool said instead and when Spiderman finally turned around he could tell they were both smiling under their masks. "And I have a surprise, but you have to follow me."

Spiderman shrugged, and it's such a simple gesture, but the fact that the webbed-wonder trusted him like this almost brought the older man to tears.

"Where we headed?" he asked when Deadpool didn't make any immediate moves to lead them anywhere. "I could probably swing us there if it's easier."

 

"Yeah, it's just- uh back to my place."

 

"C'mon, spidermonkey," Spidey says jokingly and Deadpool swoons a little more because he can hear the irony in the phrase. He held on tightly, wrapping his legs around Spiderman's back and swooning even more when the smaller man lifted him with no problem and started swinging through the streets.

They push themselves through Deadpool's window and Spiderman froze. 

"Ta-da!" Deadpool said happily. "For you. Dinner and a movie! I wasn't sure what you'd want to watch 'cause we binged all of Star Wars last time, and I know it's your favorite but I laid out some other ones you might like or I mean, I have Netflix?"

Spiderman still isn't moving.

"And uh— look! The tacos, I laid them out in the shape of a heart because I thought it was cute and well I think you're— yeah, Yellow, I know he's not moving, but he can't be dead. Cause he's still standing up, genius."

Deadpool moved closer to Spidey, but the arachno-hero simply backed up and fled back out the window they had both crawled into before swinging away into the night.

"What the fuck did I even do wrong that time...I thought—" Wade snatched his mask off, throwing it against the wall before slumping on the floor against his couch.

There was the tell-tale _thwip_ of webbing then Spiderman was back in his apartment, holding a 6 pack of beer and a case of orange soda webbed together. 

"You okay, 'Pool?" Spidey asked stepping closer, but the older man simply continued to stare at him in awe.

 

"You came back."

 

"Yeah, sorry about that. ADHD, too many thoughts at once and I thought you might want a beer or something cause you were saying the other night on patrol you were out but also I know that neither of us can get drunk and I know you like orange soda." He shook his head. "I should have said. But you're okay, right DP?"

 

"It's Wade without the mask," he said in an almost whisper as Spidey came closer, "Mr. Wilson if you're nasty."

Spidey chuckled as he sat next to him on the floor like the scars on his face didn't make him a one man horror show. Like they didn't matter. The younger man rolled his own mask up to his nose and grabbed a taco with a cheeky grin.

"Well thanks for dinner, Mr. Wilson. Pick a movie."

 

***

 

**5\. mixtapes**

The next time Spiderman arrived at his and Deadpool's usual meeting spot, there was a gift box waiting for him. After checking that it wasn't a bomb, he opened it to find another gift box. Then another. Then another. Then another. Until finally he pulled out a small square envelope. He opened it to find one of the oddest CD titles he'd ever seen ( _I_ think a lot about eating you _out_ ), and this is before he noticed it had been written on the CD upside down.

Spiderman was laughing his ass off when Deadpool finally showed up to bask in the glow of his good work.

"Sooooo...do you like it?"

 

"I haven't even heard any of it yet, though I do appreciate the title."

 

"I can assure you that mixtape is almost as hot as you. It includes hits like DMX's _X_ _Gon_ ' _Give_ _It_ _To_ _Ya_ , and a super soft depressing ass instrumental of my own creation that I like to call _A Face I Would Sit On_. Oh! And _Careless_ _Whisper_ is on ther too. Can't have a sex album without _Carless_ _Whisper_."

This sends Spiderman into another fit of laughter.

"Nobody has sex to _Careless_ _Whisper_ , Wade."

 

"Speak for yourself, baby boy, but I have dreams that a certain spandex clad cutie bangs me into next week while listening to this song and I'm just trying to keep the dream alive, ya feel?"

 

"As much as I hope that works out for you, Red," Spidey said through a snorted laugh, "I thought I told you to stop leaving gifts all over the place. Do your woo-ing somewhere else."

 

"I'm not leaving them all over the place. It's just that one, and it's for you! You seriously can't be this oblivious!"

 

"Fine," Spiderman said, but he doesn't sound like he gets it just a little resigned to taking the mixtape CD home. Like its a burden. Like Wade's a burden.

 

"Nevermind, Spidey, you don't have to. I'm not going to force you to keep it or to stick around me all the time. I get it."

 

"No!" Spidey said which much more intensity. "I like it, Wade, promise. I just...I'm not good with gifts and then I'm going to have to take this all the way back to my place before we patrol again and—" Spidey sucked un a breath and exhaled a few times before speaking again. "Thank you. I really appreciate it. I'm going to swing by my place and put this somewhere safe. Be right back! I spidey-swear it!"

Deadpool laid back on the roof staring up at the darkened sky, the stars not visible through the haze of light pollution in the city.

"Why didn't he just tell me he didn't like gifts before! That's why he thought they were all jokes, gifts make him uncomfortable and we both deal with tension with humor. I'm a Justice League movie sized mistake."

 

***

 

**+1 rooftops**

When Spiderman swung onto the roof at their usual meeting place, Wade was already there. He was taking in huge gulps of air and he had his mask in his hands. He didn't look up, even when Spidey sat next to him. He took another deep breath.

Spidey didn't like gifts. He liked honesty and action.

"Hey, Red," Spiderman said sitting, nudging him with his shoulder. "You okay? You took your mask off. Did someone shoot you in the face again? Is your brain rebooting? Do you know who I am?"

 

"It'd take more than a bullet to the brain to forget you, baby boy."

The younger man chuckled and it brought a smile to Wade's face. Steadied his resolution.

"So what's going on? You don't want to patrol or something?"

 

"Webs, I have been trying all week to tell you how I feel. But every time I force the words out you leave before I can finish or you think I'm just joking or—" Wade shakes his head. "I like you, Spidey. Probably love, and I know it's too early for that, but you treat me so well. And you're always there for me. You're my best friend and I'm sorry if I just made this so awkward, oh my _God_."

 

"Wha—" Spidey said looking up at him, the eyes on his mask widening comically and Wade can tell his mouth is wide open beneath the spandex.

 

"I love you, Webs."

 

"Peter. It's— my name, it's Peter. Peter Parker.

 

"Nice to meet you, Peter Parker."

 

"Will you say it again?" Peter's voice was quiet behind the mask.

 

"I don't know what you mean," Wade was shaking his head, the space where his eyebrows would be was furrowed as he looked at Spiderman. In seconds the younger man was pulling off his own mask, messy brown hair falling over his even richer brown eyes. He moved closer to Wade on the ledge.

 

"You waited up here to tell me something. Say it again. Please."

 

"I love you," Wade said and Peter _moans_.

 

"Again."

 

"I love you."

 

"Again," Peter said practically begging and he'd almost pulled himself into Wade's lap.

 

"I love you, Peter Parker."

 

"I love you too, Wade. I just— you flirt with everyone, you know? And I thought maybe it was just me being crazy. I thought you were doing all this extravagant stuff all week to try and play a joke on me or something. I never thought you'd actually. I'm just me..."

 

"You're not _just_ anything, baby boy. You deserve the world. Oh, God, I want to cherish the fuck out of you. So hard. Show you how much you mean to me. Will you let me?"

Peter nodded before surging forward to place a kiss on Wade but then his Spidey-Senses were going off and he's pulling his mask back onto his face just as a series of shots are fired across the roof.

"Of course, the target/villain shows up when we're about to get a spidey-smooch. How convenient, author. Almost as if you have another chapter to prepare for." Wade stood up, brushing himself off and pulling Spiderman with him. "It better be a damn good kiss, Ms. Author or I swear to Bea Arthur you're going to have to answer to me. And _not_ in the kinky kind of way. C'mon, Webs, let's get this over with."

 

"You got it, Red."

 

***

 

**+2 (bonus!): kisses**

"I can go pick up some tacos and we can meet back at your place," Spidey says later once they defeat the idiot with a bounty on his head that Deadpool has been trying to not unalive. It's almost 6am and the sun is just starting to rise.

 

"Or we can just go to my place and talk," Deadpool says instead. "And I can make you breakfast. I cook a damn good pancake."

 

"Yeah," agrees Spidey, nodding his head. "Yeah, okay. Hop on."

Neither of them take the time to think about how this is normal now, being together all the time. Being attached at the hip. Deadpool grips onto Spiderman, wrapping his arms around the webslinger's neck and his legs around his waist as the younger man takes a running start and swings them in the direction of Wade's apartment.

When the window is shut and the black-out curtains are closed behind them, their masks come off.

"Sorry about all of this," Wade says motioning towards his face. "It's everywhere though, the scarring. Thought it be best to get that part out in the open."

 

"I already knew that. I've seen your skin before, remember?"

 

"I tried to repress it, actually."

 

"It doesn't bother me. It's just that—" Peter reached an ungloved hand up before freezing in place just inches from Wade's cheek. "Does it hurt?"

 

"Sometimes," Wade says, but he leans forward so that Peter's fingers are fluttering across his cheek anyway. Peter's thumb is tracing the outline of Wade's scarred face, until they're millimeters away from each other.

 

"Can I...Wade," asks Peter, his eyes going up to search his. "Can I kiss you?"

 

"As many times as you want."

When their lips meet, there aren't fireworks or shocks, its calm. Like finally being where they're meant to be. The voices are silent and there's a buzzing under their skin that says _Welcome_ _Home_.

They pull apart for air and then they're staring into each other's eyes again. Peter has just now noticed that Wade's are two different colors. One is blue and the other is dark brown and he knows that he could get lost staring at the man he loves. Staring at the man who loves him.

"Say it again," Peter whispers when they're only a breath apart.

 

"I love you." There's a soft dopey smirk on Wade's face as he says it.

 

"Oh, god," Peter almost sobs. "I love you too, Red. Now, I think you promised to cherish the fuck out of me. When is that going to happen?"

 

"As soon as physically possible, but probably after my legs stop being jelly. You said you loved me too and holy Shakespeare if that doesn't go straight to my lower half faster than donuts when I'm on a diet, I don't know what does."

 

"Well I can handle that," says Peter, kissing Wade's forehead and lifting Wade in a bridal carry. "Point me in the direction of the bedroom, okay, Mr. Wilson?"

 

"If I could love you any more I would combust," Wade whispered reverently, but he leads them to the bedroom all the same. After the week he's had, he thinks they've both earned it.


End file.
